IOC: Where’s me medals?

squirrel-coins

Ireland obviously recognise the importance of me! How about it, IOC?

Well, not only am I a twanzsquirrel, and twanzbillionaire—I am also a twanzolympicgoldmedalist too! Yes that is correct, my loyal fans (obviously as a twanzbillionaire, it would be wrong for me to do anything myself, I have minions) to start a petition on Change.org for the IOC to award me olympic medals. Here is my proof, I have already been on more cereal boxes than any other olympian:

Photocredit: Annie Squirrelvitz

cereal-2

Team of stylists unavailable for this shoot

cereal-3

So important, they named the cereal after me – no wonder I had Squirrel Pride that day!

cereal-4

Probably not a good idea to get fairground caricaturists for a portrait, but nice tail nonetheless

cereal-5

Mighta overdone it on the peanut butter, looks like allegy eye going on

That is well over FIVE cereal boxes over the years. FIVE. Now look at this clown, I mean laydeeclown:

Bruce Jenner finds his way onto the breakfast tables of America. The 'Keeping Up with the Kardashians' star is shown in his youthful glory on the front cover of 'Wheaties' cereal boxes on sale now. Jenner won Gold in the decathlon at the 1976 Olympic Games in Montreal. Pictured: Bruce Jenner Ref: SPL449710  201012   Picture by: Splash News Splash News and Pictures Los Angeles:310-821-2666 New York:212-619-2666 London:870-934-2666 photodesk@splashnews.com

‘Breakfast of champions’?! pffft, just look how many boxes I have – AND IN FULL COLOUR!

Of course, when I was a young squirrel (remember, I have always felt like a squirrel inside, nay, I always was a squirrel inside), I would sneak into my mother’s bedroom branch, thread acorns on a string, and pretend I had just won an olympic medal or seven. No, don’t be asking me about squirrelwanking, this was always a genuine knowing that I was a medal-winning olympian inside. Just look at me competing in the olympics over the years:

squirrel-fencing

Olympic squirrel fencing – nope, we don’t ponce about, we mean business! That is me on the left, obvs.

squirrel-gymnastics

Olympic squirrel gymnastics, on the single branch. My tail looks magnificant, a real olympic champion!

squirrel-gymnastics-2

More olympic squirrel gymnastics, just look at that style!

squirrel-skateboard

Olympic squirrel skateboarding. Yes, we squirrels were ahead of dumbassed humans on this one

squirrel-drunk

Squirrel post-olympics partay, yeah what a night it was!

So clearly, I can prove that I won loads and loads of olympic medals, and the IOC are not recognising my jendah (as twanzolympicgoldmedalist) by denying me my medals!

The IOC need to take innerfweelings most seriously. There is a petition up to recognise Laydee Jendah’s always-woman-inside:

Dear International Olympic Committee,

It has recently come to light that gold medalist Bruce Jenner is in fact transgender, and therefore, identifies as a woman. We congratulate Ms. Jenner on these new developments and wish her the best. However, this creates somewhat of a problem as Ms. Jenner (as talented as she is) claims that she has always believed herself to be truly female, and therefore, was in violation of committee rules regarding women competing in men’s sports and vice versa. Therefore, it is with a heavy heart that we must ask whether or not it is proper that Ms. Jenner should retain her olympic records in light of this, as we must now either claim that Bruce Jenner and Caitlyn Jenner are two entirely different people (which we know is not true), or that Bruce Jenner was, in fact, a woman participating in a men’s event. It is only fair to all involved that women receive their credit as champions of the Decathalon and that the men racing Ms. Jenner are not expected to compete with a superior, streamlined being such as herself.

We urge Ms. Jenner to support the transgender community by giving up the medals earned by competing against the wrong gender.

Thank you, and congratulations to Ms. Jenner for her courage!

#givebackthegold.

Well, the IOC twanzphobically responded:

The International Olympic Committee has made its first statement about Caitlyn Jenner’s transition to a woman, responding to an online petition requesting that the organization, which runs the Olympic Games, revoke the gold medal Caitlyn (then Bruce) won during the 1976 Montreal Olympics.

In its response to the petition, IOC Communications Director Mark Adams tells Yahoo, “Bruce Jenner won his gold medal in the 1976 Olympic Games and there is no issue for the IOC.”

Clearly the mostest twanzphobic response ever, not recognising Laydee Jendah’s always-a-woman-inside!

They went on to cover their medal-withholding-from-true-squirrel-champion-asses with:

The IOC has had difficulty in the past defining the difference between men and women as it pertains to athletic competition. While it’s rare, several athletes — mostly women — have been found to have genetic anomalies which place them somewhere in between traditional labels of “male” and “female.” In 2012, the IOC announced it would allow transgender athletes to compete against their chosen peers, assuming they meet three criteria: the athlete must have had gender reassignment surgery, the athlete must have legal recognition of his or her assigned gender in his or her home country, and the athlete must have completed at least two years of hormone therapy.

Wait, I thought the IOC was down on hormones and drugs? Well, I guess we will be seeing a bit more of this in coming olympics:

college girls basketball team

nothing to see here, move it along – ‘she’ is wearing a laydee bra after all

Speaking of laydee bras, apparently Laydee Jendah wore one in 1976, when collecting the medal that clearly should have been mine:

jenner-olympics-1

Clearly Laydee Jendah should have been wearing a bra during the event, almost popping out the side and all

jenner-olympics-2

And to shave those inner-laydee pits. Do I also see laydee-wang not tucked?

jenner-olympics-medal

Here is Laydee Jendah collecting the medal that should have been mine-mine-mine. Laydee Jendah apparently was wearing a bra while collecting (my) medal

So I found a close-up, of what was under that laydee trackie:

jenner-medal

WOW! It’s a Miracle Bra! Totally INVISIBLE under that see-thru top!

Of course, Laydee Jendah was married three times, fathering laydee-fathering six children to the three wives (two apiece!). Looking back on the photos, it is clear why the first two marriages were relatively short:

Jenner-wife1-2

Laydee Jendah and Wifey 1. Poor woman, did not have a bra that our Laydee Jendah could try on when wifey not home

Jenner-wife2

Eeek! Wifey 2 of Laydee Jendah, also no bra drawer to raid!

Jenner-wife3

Finally! A wifey with a bra drawer to raid! Phew!

Ah, but with Wifey 3, loads of bras and dresses for Laydee Jendah to wear and frollick about in! When Laydee Jendah sick of those, daughters’ wardrobes were just begging for the frollicking inner-woman funsies! Phew!

But then Laydee Jendah got sick of frollicking funsies, and after splitting with Wifey 3, had to make do with a Malibu “pad”, worth a mere $3.5m! So we can see, this was so totally not about crossing wifey/daughtery boundaries, this was about poverty! Alterations were desperately needed to that $3.5m Malibu shack, including the “Glam Room” and walk-in closet!

Jenner-closet-1 Jenner-closet-2

Clearly, we can see why Laydee Jendah had to suffer all those years, dipping into wives’ and daughters’ closet—this is a shack on a hill! Oh the poor thing. I don’t know how Laydee Jendah is going to make ends meet, really I don’t!

jenner-1978

Laydee Jendah in 1978, suffering through the twanzmormon days, when clearly he was rilly a laydee inside

Of course, like a true laydee, our Laydee Jendah seems shy of late, being photographed in a bra.

Here is how Laydee Jendah looks now:

Jenner-doppleganger

Whoops, this is some second-rate Laydee Jendah doppleganger!

Jenner-VF

Ah! There is our Laydee Jendah! Setting the example for silly FAB-women everywhere, on graceful aging, naturalness, and non-objectness!

Anyway IOC, I do want my medals, they are mine. Please send to:
Mx D Squirrel
1 Oaktree Lane
Forrestville

29 thoughts on “IOC: Where’s me medals?

    1. pandoracurioser

      except for the small fact that the reason this is so outrageous is that men didn’t allow women to compete in most sports back then, and even now you still can’t compete as a woman in decathlon, whether with a woman-specific competition or against the menz.

      Liked by 3 people

      Reply
  1. Hecuba

    IOC claims they are opposed to athletes using drugs and hormones and demonises female athletes whose physical appearance does not conform to ‘appropriate male defined standards of femininity’ yet at the same time condones and approves of male athletes using drugs and hormones to make false claim ‘wah I am really a female in a male body!’

    I predict female sporting events will swiftly be co-opted by biological males claiming they are the real females and these biological males pretending to be females will be the ones winning all the medals! This is ‘female empowerment in action!’ Move out of the way biologically born female athletes – the male athletes claiming they are the real females will take over womens’ sporting events and usage of drugs and hormones by these male athletes to maintain the fiction they are females is condoned by IOC. Yet IOC claims they are opposed to athletes using drugs and hormones – this isn’t illogical this is male illogic posing as male logic and male rationality.

    Poor poor male Jenner – he has all that money and yet no amount of mutilating surgery; photoshopping makes him pass as a female. He is a male parodying females and fails abysmally! Money can’t buy Jenner ‘femaleness’ he remains a biologically born male!

    I support twanzsquirrel’s demand for medals from IOC – and if IOC refuses this is twanzphobic to all squirrels.

    Liked by 4 people

    Reply
    1. Kesh Meshi

      The one thing I’ll give the IOC credit for is that they require the laydees to lop their wangs off before they can compete. Of course nothing about penis chopping is going to give a laydee any less of an athletic advantage over born women, but at least this discourages the girlstick havers who love their porn and their prostitutes a disincentive from trying to unseat real women athletes.

      I look forward to the twanz lobbying the IOC over their twanzphobic policy of ladywang chopping. If the IOC caves to that, then I really will lose all hope.

      Liked by 2 people

      Reply
      1. DaveSquirrel Post author

        Kesh, you fell for the sleight of hand!
        “the athlete must have had gender reassignment surgery”

        Now, unless the IOC specifically say ‘GENITAL’, then this does not mean a thing. Some laydee funbags will qualify as ‘gender reassignment surgery’. Laydeesticks can scoot on through!

        Loads of people fall for it, so don’t feel badly. ‘GRS’ is reported in the meeja as if it is always full ‘GRS’ (including genital). We know that over 3/4s of them like to keep the laydeetackle. Only the transsexuals seem motivated to trade it in for mangina.

        IOC: “While it’s rare, several athletes — mostly women — have been found to have genetic anomalies which place them somewhere in between traditional labels of “male” and “female.”

        Well, what they are talking about here are intersex individuals. Regular readers here know that almost all of the intersex conditions (except XO, sterile females) are ‘non-females’, a variation from the default human template of female. That is why it was found that “mostly women [competing in olympics]” who fell into the ‘ambiguous’ category. There is generally no advantage in sport, to be female over male (except maybe for flexibility), but there is usually advantage being male over female (height, upper body strength, etc).

        Now that the IOC has decide to ‘recognise transgenderism’ for the olympics—we can pretty much kiss women’s sports (except maybe gymnastics) goodbye. See the photo of the college women’s basketball team for clues. It basically means a lot of second rate male athletes declare laydeefeels, and most will have advantages in women’s sports.

        Liked by 3 people

      2. Kesh Meshi

        I’m having trouble finding the official IOC guidelines, but most mentions talk about sex reassignment surgery, not gendah. This HuffPo article seems to support my assumption:
        http://www.huffingtonpost.com/chris-mosier/no-openly-transgender-athletes-have-competed-in-the-olympics_b_4825102.html

        ‘In 2004, the International Olympic Committee (IOC) clarified the guidelines for participation for transgender athletes. The IOC rule states that participation is based on sex, and those wishing to compete against athletes not of their birth sex are required to undergo sex reassignment surgery along with two years of either testosterone suppression or testosterone supplementation.

        To clarify, “sex reassignment surgery,” for the sake of the IOC’s policy, means “surgical anatomical changes have been completed, including external genitalia changes and gonadectomy,” with eligibility beginning no sooner than two years after the gonadectomy. While many other sporting leagues are unsure of how to handle transgender participants, the IOC policy affirms that transgender athletes exist, but in the same breath it tells me that I’m not good enough to compete as a man if I do not have an extremely expensive, complicated and imperfect procedure done to modify my body.’

        Given that the author is an FTM complaining about having to get a fake dick sewn onto her body, I’m inclined to think this is the actual policy. Although I’m kind of bemused by an FTM thinking she could successfully compete against born males in the Olympics. The only sports that would give her a ghost of a chance are those where being physically small is an asset. So horseback riding, maybe?

        Liked by 2 people

      3. DaveSquirrel Post author

        Thanks for finding that Kesh. If true, then the IOC would be the ONLY ones insisting on genital surgery, because everywhere else (including for the UK government’s rules), not even the “GRS” is required, just “living like a laydee” for two years (and a note from two quacks).

        It is obvious, even with the genital surgery requirement, that this ONLY benefits M2Ts, not F2Ts. There is hardly any sport where it is an advantage to have a female body, competing against a male body. There are loads of sports that would advantage a deknackered dude in women’s sports—basketball (see pic above), weightlifting, etc—all the sports where abnormal (from average female) height, weight, strength, upperbody strength, come into play. So the new twanz-inclusive rules from the IOC, only benefit males (men and M2Ts) and disadvantage females (women and F2Ts). We do live in a patriarchy after all, this is just more of the same, even with the ‘stronger’ rules.

        As an aside, some twanz started calling it ‘gender affirmation surgery’, so that would be ‘GAS’ then. Rather appropriate with all the gaslighting going on over jendah trumps sex.

        Liked by 1 person

    1. DaveSquirrel Post author

      Welcome kamilla. Yep, well the entire twanzcircus of “Call me Caitlyn” I think will wake up a lot of people. It could well be the tipping point. Just over the last few years, more formerly twanz-supporting (women particularly) have woken up, “hang on, this does not make sense!”, even when some of those women were attacking us, just a few short years ago, and are rather embarrassed by it now.

      Liked by 3 people

      Reply
      1. kamilla1960

        I’ve had a bit of a rough time with this now as someone I admire has been at pains to school me in my backward attitude–but I can feel that I’m growing my backbone back as there’s no way I can deny the reality of male and female. Wear whatever you want, take on any gender role you wish, but know that you are still male or female–hard for some to understand. This thing seems to be coming to a head. Nice liberal folks are finding it difficult to understand that there really are two sexes.

        Liked by 3 people

  2. FabFro

    Not only is this piece brilliant, but hilarious as well! Thanks for the laugh and for writing this. I was waiting for some feminist gazing on the whole “Caitlyn” thing. *shutters*

    Liked by 2 people

    Reply
    1. DaveSquirrel Post author

      thanks FabFro. I will share one of the comments that ‘my other self’ (LOL) left over at GenderTrender, regarding the super-freaky element of the Laydee Jendah twanzition—that of Laydee Jendah claiming “that was Bruce, Caitlyn does …”, as if they were two different people. Once comment over there reminded us that our Tootsie, Frank/Kellie Maloney, did the same.

      Mz Davina Squirrel said:
      The referring to self as two different people, particularly in the case of rich white males and their laydee personae, is interesting. Firstly, it blows out of the water that their laydee-self was always ‘on the inside’ (trans narrative), but in the case of privileged dudes, it serves another purpose.

      At any time in the future, when they want to call on their man privilege (or male intimidation), they can, then immediately afterwards blame it on the old Bruce/Frank ‘coming [back] out’. It’s a built-in ‘get out of jail free’ card, as well as keeping their male privilege intact (and their laydee sticks, obvs).

      Remember back in the 80s, the talk shows were full of people claiming multiple personalities? Many of them got locked up in mental institutions, and a fair few were fakers to get onto talk shows. Same shit, different decade.

      But at least with this one, it shows the laydee brain (supposedly a 100% laydee brain that needs body mods to match this 100% laydee brain) is totally bogus, particularly when there is some old white rich male brain that is periodically ‘returning’. I just can’t believe people are falling for this.

      Liked by 5 people

      Reply
      1. Hecuba

        Thank you Dave for pointing out that Brucie and Frank claim they are now reborn as Caitlyn/Kellie and so are now magically two totally different human beings!! Didn’t realise this is the male cop-out card because as you rightly say Brucie and his bros. claim ‘wah it was ‘Brucie not Caitlyn who did that – ergo me as Caitlyn is totally innocent!’ Yes makes a nonsense of mens’ claims they were really female in a male body. But as usual male illogic is always claimed by men as (male) definitive logic and woe betide any Radical Feminist who says ‘look Emperor isn’t wearing any clothes!’

        Wow will this work for me then if I were to say, steal some money and then when I am charged claim ‘no Sue did that whereas I as Tiger doesn’t steal money!’

        Liked by 4 people

      2. FabFro

        YES! This too is brilliant as I think it’s really important to bring out how he can now switch back to his male side when he wants to get violent, or as you pointed out, gain privilege and then return back to his ladee self if he now gets abused or is denied something he wants; it would be because “Women have never had this privilege, and I want it now! [as a man pretending to be a woman]”.

        This analysis you just brought up is something I’m going to be chewing over for quite some time. Thanks once again for sharing.

        Liked by 4 people

  3. Black Metal Valkyrie

    Men so strongly believe they own us that they think conforming to male created beliefs of how women should look and act somehow makes them women. Nothing could be further from the truth. It is a show of male entitlement and I really hate how transjenduh dudes are being called GNC. They conform perfectly well to the gender roles meant to opposite sex. We should call them non-typically gender conforming.

    Liked by 6 people

    Reply
    1. Black Metal Valkyrie

      Gone are the days when they tried to distance themselves from obvious autogynophiles. Now it’s something to be proud of. FYI, that’s not what pride in its original sense meant. Oh my frigging lulz. Look at these dudes though. Plz try harder to prove what a fucking narcissist you are.

      Liked by 2 people

      Reply
  4. Black Metal Valkyrie

    *snorts*… I know this whole crap from Laverone Cocks comes to “wah I can’t afford all the paint and beauty treatments that I want” but there comes a time when if you base your whole identity off being a pwetty laydee you kind of have to at least put some effort into it. Normal looking women get put down on the internet just for having a picture. If any female was this ugly, which she cannot be, she would be laughed and harassed off the internet but these lazy trannies ain’t even trying and still getting fawned over. Jeezus.

    Liked by 3 people

    Reply
    1. DaveSquirrel Post author

      Exactly. We have seen many women harrassed on the internet for merely looking female, by daring not to appeal to the male gaze.

      But, that is not the same as a rather obvious looking dude, claiming to be something he is not. The likes of “Connie”, and that dude who was supposedly “a woman” who spoke at the Smith (College) rally about a year ago. It is a ridiculous bit of gaslighting when an obvious male, who still looks very male, wears male clothing, demands that the world call him “woman”.

      ETA: I think, if I recall correctly, this is the Smith College ‘laydee’ – pictured on the Stop Trans Cauvinism header (the left obvs)

      Liked by 2 people

      Reply
    2. FabFro

      THIS! It seems the more dood like he looks while claiming to be a laydee, the more ‘praise’, ‘support’ and ‘Coo! You look so lovely ^_^” type comments he gets! It does NOT work like that if you’re an actual female.

      I mean, seriously, dood didn’t even try…
      Amazing….

      Liked by 3 people

      Reply
    3. endlessleeper

      holy fucking hell this cover gave me a spectacular laugh. it’s just too funny, even though it’s depressing as hell. actually, maybe that’s it. maybe this is so ludicrous it stands on its own and someday people will look back on these embarrassments and laugh at how they used to be taken seriously…i hope.

      Liked by 1 person

      Reply
  5. endlessleeper

    as a transdam i feel a great deal of sympathy for you, davina. i was supposed to have been born in amsterdam but i wasn’t. however, smoking pot, using crude beginner-level dutch when it’s inappropriate/confusing, and whacking it to photos of houseboats make me really an amsterdammer. i hope you get your medals, and you look truly at home in your own jendah on the cereal boxes.

    Liked by 5 people

    Reply

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