The United Nations (UN) is very concerned with the human rights of everyone. You have already read the letter that two lesbian activists have written to the UN, and I think in the interests of fairness, we should read some more letters to the UN:
It is soooo unfaiiiiir, that hairy-legged beyatches like the ones that write these blogs are allowed into the women’s bathroom, when I am far more laydee than they will ever be. Please re-write the UN charter to consider twanzwomen as real women, and those other ugly beyatches as not women. Twanzwomen are more woman than those hairy dykes will eva be. Here, look at my Flickr pictures, aren’t I pretty?
Yours in womanliness
Them beeches are still being meeeeeean to me. Please make them stop. I’ve called them transphobic and everything, but they still won’t stop.
This reminds me of my 3rd grade teacher, who was also very mean to me. Please see the attachment, my 3rd grade report. In it, the bitch of a 3rd grade teacher calls me lazy and self-centred. Please sanction my 3rd grade teacher, her name was Miss Suzy Jones. It was a violation of my human rights, and she should be taken to The Haag and put on trial.
Yours in anxious anticipation
I refer you to my previous 26 letters in which I outlined how those biological women have been very mean to me all my life.
Yesterday at the corner store, the bio-woman at the counter made a “humpf” noise as I took “too long” (in HER opinion) to find the money to pay for my milk and packet of Cheezy Whisps. I want to expose her transphobia to the world. Please make sure her name is known to the world. She is Mrs Wong of Chicago.
Thank you for you support in this matter
I am very upset at the feminists. They insist that the biological category of “female” exists. Oh no. But it is only in their twisted perverted little minds, that cannot comprehend that real women have penises.
Please make sure that your future policies dictate that women have penises, not vaginas, in any guidelines that you draw up for the protection of real women like me.
Yours in anticipation
(ps – see how many Xs I sign my letters with? that proves I am more female than these other imposters, thanks so much, bye)
Last week my female cat had kittens. I declare this to be thoroughly transphobic, and against women with penises that cannot have kittens. Please put my cat on trial at The Haag.
Yours in anxiousness
ps – why have you not written back to me? Are my problems not good enough for the UN? Are you transphobic as well? My basement is getting rather dank.
I went to buy a bra today, and found that they do not make one in my size – 42AA. This is a travesty and needs to be sorted. Also, they are not making frilly girly knickers with enough room for my tackle. This is blatant discrimination against women with penises. Please make them stop.
I finally found some girly knickers that had room for my tackle. However, they are so ugly, not in pink. This is blatant discrimination. Please call in the men in tanks to deal with this.
Yours rather drably
I would like to report a hate crime. My veterinarian has given my cat gender affirmation surgery but still insists on calling him “male”. While I was standing outside his clinic for the last two weeks with my protest sign it began to rain. And the rain destroyed my suede sandals! So I am suing him. When I went to the courthouse the woman LAUGHED AT ME HATEFULLY! Here are all their names. I give you permission to use peacekeeping forces if necessary to correct this awful situation.
Your’s in trust,
ps this is a different cat to the one that had the kittens. The cat that had the kittens is called Ernest. I did not want you to get their gender identities mixed up. I am sorry, I should have made that clear in the letter.
I simply want my veterinarian to change the name on all my cat’s files from “Max” to “Lady Gloriana” and hide all record of his wrongly assigned sex at birth. And buy me new sandals at Payless.
I have written three letters to you every day since the 13th March. You have not responded to any of my letters. Are my human rights not important to you? I told you about the underwear – this is still a really big problem and needs urgent attention. Why are you not writing back? This is important human rights stuff, why aren’t you caring?
Yours most anxiously
Dear Sir and Ladies of the UN
Please correct all refrences to “female reproductive health” that don’t include ED. That’s right, penile Erectile Dysfunction is important for females who have peni. Especially those of us overdosing on estrogen we bought over the internet from the Canary Islands. Also, prostate exams should be provided to females as well. I urge you to look at my Flickr page if you don’t think I’m a lady. Just ignore photo #57, that one was for my “Hung Angels” account.
Thank you, in sisterhood,
XXX (no “Y” here) XXXXXXX
Yes I know it was only five minutes ago that I last wrote to you, but you still have not responded.
If you do not respond within the next 15 minutes, I will sue you. Then you will be really sorry.
Yours in litigiousness
My cat is flaunting her femaleness at me by breast feeding the kittens. You have not brought my cat up on charges of transphobia, as I cannot nurse kittens. When are you going to come and arrest my cat? This has to stop. It is transphobic.
I don’t care what you believe, all this biological sex nonsense. The term “female” is intrinsically transphobic. My cat is still breast feeding the three kittens, this is clearly transphobic. Make her stop. What about all us women with penises, we cannot do that, it is a VIOLATION OF OUR HUMAN RIGHTS!!!!
In anticipation, really, a lot of anticipation now
It is Mrs Wong again. She threw me a dirty look when I went into the store this morning. This would not have happened if you had put her on trial like I asked you to. When are you going to do that? I cite legal statute 27b.3a.vii as the precedent.
This afternoon I broke a nail. Why is there no international outcry about this? Please regard the NEEDS of transwomen seriously.
I wish to protest the hateful, yes hateful, way that Special K advertise their product. They ALWAYS show biological women in bathing suits. This is transphobic, because I also eat Special K breakfast cereal, and I want you to put a stop to this NOW! In fact, all advertising should feature transwomen in all roles. We do not see enough transwomen on television. I want an entire channel devoted to transwomen. Where is OUR equal representation? We should not see any of those inferior biological women on television because transwomen are much prettier than they are. So, in the pursuit of fairness as to who is prettiest in television, it is transwomen, they are much much better than biological women.
Brimming over with prettiness
ps – see my photobucket for PROOF yes PROOF that I am prettier than they are
please ignore the bad lighting in photo #342 which does not show my true beauty, thank you
I know a thing or two about Law, having studied many lawbooks during my years incarcerated in the wrong gendered prison. So don’t tell me you can’y help me. I thought the UN could do ANYTHING!
Holding out hope,
Whenever the UN replies to these *heartfelt* but yet *legally knowledgable* letters, we will let you know.