Mothers and daughters


Jilla wanted a mother-daughter thread, so here it is, complete with hasty intro.

Generational divide is one tool of the patriarchy, ageism. It is particularly prevailent in societies of the nuclear family structure, which frequently involves a lot of separation of the females from her family, leaving her to do childraising on her own.

Some of the other mechanisms that also interfere with one generation passing on info to the next, particularly the female lines, include religion. In my grandmother’s generation, “sex” (meaning PIV) was “something you did not talk about”. It was not because that generation did not “know” about PIV (after all, my grandmother gave birth to eight children, so she got the drift), but all the pitfalls, the duty, the drudgery of PIV were also not able to be passed down from mother to daughter, because it was labelled a taboo subject.

Anyway, just another divide-and-conquer tactic in the arsenal of the patriarchy.

4 thoughts on “Mothers and daughters

  1. FAB Libber

    (copying a bit from the other thread)

    FCM was attributing some of her mother’s viewpoints and beliefs to “that generation”, without specifically saying so. I thought that a lot of FCM’s mother’s views were typical of a (USA) christian whitecentric upbringing, and not a “they didn’t know better in those days”.

    My mother has considerably less of these views, is considerably older than FCM’s mother, even though my mother was brought up by my grandmother who was ‘enthusiastically christian’. But even my grandmother did not seem to hold racist beliefs (and was very active in local charity work, so not just the sunday-christian type). The ‘dirty other’ racist view seems to be stronger in US christianity, from what I have seen.

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  2. FAB Libber

    You can use this thread as a mother-daughter free-for-all if you wish.
    Nor does it have to be specifically about the FCM thread, more general stuff is welcomed (or rather encouraged).

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  3. jilla

    I’ve said what I had to say on the other thread. My apologies for derailing.

    I have thought many times we need a mother daughter thread here because both here and elsewhere in our ‘hood, I’ve read some of us making comments about that, with no real discussion happening. I think It would be good to know, we can come here and do it, and we can deal with it or not as people choose. Maybe a kind of venting, or problem solving, or just questioning, from all the aspects of this, not only relationships.

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  4. FAB Libber

    Over at FCM’s, Loretta said:

    The original clans, back in prehistory, were matrifocal clans with Grandma gathering her progeny around her for safety and prosperity. Grandfathers weren’t part of the structure.

    The “Grandmother Effect” is known as the reason why human babies (with their extended years needed to grow to maturity) were able to survive: the generations working together to insure wellbeing for all members of the matrifocal family.

    Of course, for patriarchy to keep women oppressed, this intergenerational support system can’t be allowed to survive, thus the children suffer and even die without the caring wisdom of the grandmothers.

    Is there any clearer way of showing that patriarchal values are not “family values”?

    And I replied:

    Yes indeed, sadly true. 😦

    Also it breaks the knowledge link of generations, with grandmothers having more knowledge than their daughters to aid them raising the kids (and all sorts of guidance). This probably explains why recent generations are so completely fucked up, and we are living in a society of adolescent type behaviour, there is little wisdom from the elders being passed down.

    In response to FCM:

    [FCM] “because its the only way to get the dood to stop moping, or being abusive, because hes UNHAPPY about the arrangement, and about MIL’s involvement. or…the wife cant handle the fucking truth about the loser she married.”

    More that the dude does not want to be exposed as the abuser / adult child that he is, and a MIL would point that out – older women see through male behaviour much more readily. I don’t think it is because the daughter would necessarily not believe her mother, not unless the mother-daughter bond has been damaged by deliberate separation (which is what patriarchy does).

    Anyway, the tactic of patriarchy really seems to cut off this inter-generational knowledge and wisdom, with the added bonus that Nigel can get away with more shit than he would otherwise with a wise old granny around.

    On the open thread I also mentioned that Japan has much more respect for their elders, as well in rural areas, having the generations either together or close by. The Japanese are brought up to respect others and elders, and this certainly is a big reason why looting is negliable or non-existant post-quake. Unlike over in NZ, after their quake, a newsreader who was killed during the quake had her home looted whilst her family were onsite awaiting news. *nice*

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