My plan for World Peace

pinktank

Here at TSF we, after long consideration of ten minutes, have developed The Plan for World Peace. It is brilliant in its simplicity!

1. All armies in the world to become 100% laydeeface2. Paint all the horrid yukky green/cammy army equipment pink

Yep, that’s it!

Recruitment is also simple, and easily achieved within the current military budgets:

1. Free, onsite hair and nail salons at every army base

How on earth can it be so simple you ask? Well, it is, and you are being twanzsquirrelphobic if you disagree.

We already have such a large contingent of ex-military M2Ts – Autumn Sandeen and Bradley Chelsea Manning to name just two!

Sandeen-1

Look, see! Autumn Sandeen, already onboard with the pink nail polish! Clearly the front runner for leader of the US Army. Chelsea can be Sandeen’s sidekick assistant. Of course, it’s a no-brainer that Monica Helms should head up the US Navy, first thing on the agenda, paint those horrid grey battleships PINK!

Ian-HamiltonIan-Jan-Hamilton-white Ian-Jan-Hamilton-black

In the UK, the British Army should be headed by Ian/Jan Hamilton, and despite the close LTNC (lazy tranny name change), has a fondness for lacy things, and has had to join the police force due to the TA not letting her wear laydee-uniform to the medical. Frankly, those army uniforms could do with a lot more lace trim, and I am sure that will be Jan/Ian’s first order of business. Clearly the right laydee for the job:

“She completed the mile-and-a-half run in about 11 minutes, even though women are allowed to take up to 16.”

callmecate2

callmecate

Red nail polish, clearly to jazz-up that drab uniform!

But lets not forget downunder! I save the bestest for last, because CallMeCate Catherine/Malcolm McGregor is not ex-military like the above laydee candidates, but a serving Lt-Col in the Australian Army! McGregor already has the manly backing from Australian PM Tony Abbott, yanno, the dude that was forced to include one female to his upper cabinet, because clearly, not enough laydees to choose from. He even made himself the Minister for Women, and I guess there is something Tony isn’t telling us? Certainly Tony knows more about women, and of course, real laydees. No sexism there, no siree!

cabinet

Tony is shocked to realise that a female infiltrated his cabinet, poor Tony

So we already have a huge pool of current and ex-military laydees to staff our new armies, and with the free on-base nail and hair salons, recruitment of both new and former army personnel won’t be any problem!

But wait! Even though we know ex-military laydees make up a huge portion of laydees, what about the close second of IT laydees, you ask…

Of course, we have not forgotten about our IT laydees! There is an important role for them in our new pinkified armies! Even a pinkified army needs an IT department, with its main and very important function of maintaining the military social networking site LaydeeBook™.

ladybook

whoopsies… typo!

LaydeeBook™ will of course cover important military strategies such as:

  • Co-ordinating just the right shade of pink to match the new uniforms
  • Fashioning a feminine hairdo for maximum laydee effect under military hats and helmets (includes the how-to for hairnets and hairspray)
  • When should you mention the laydee-peen on the pink tanks?
  • How to run in high-heels and pencil-thin military issue skirts
  • Crying on demand – proof of your real laydeeness
  • Laydee-peens, how to tuck when wearing pencil skirts
  • Guns, who needs penis metaphors when you can pack the real thing?
  • Straddling laydee-tanks with a mangina (just like Cher!)
  • How to keep your laydee giggle going for more than 30 seconds
  • How to use your silicone laydee breasts as flotation devices
  • How often to apply lippy during ‘combat’ (clue: real laydees shy away from combat, so apply lippy all the time)
  • How to convince your CO that you need the month off due to a laydee-period
  • How to avoid unsightly wrinkles when using your laydee brain
  • Rebranding Puckapunyal to a laydee-friendly PuckerupPunyal

Gosh, that sounds exciting! All informative topics, relevant to real laydees, serving their respective countries! Of course, LaydeeBook™ will be headed by our own Zoe/Alan Brain, who is on the internutz 24/7 and then some.

All armies will be way too busy doing laydee things, rather than invading each other. World peace, simple.

And finally, we can stop all this silly talk of failed masculinity.

3 thoughts on “My plan for World Peace

  1. Hecuba

    Hilarious and oh so spot-on. Remember all these laydees are ‘real women!’ That’s why misogynist Tony Abbot was appalled to see a non ‘laydee’ real biological female had managed to infiltrate his male only ministerial cabinet.

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  2. SkyLark Phillips

    The photograph of Autumn Sandeen in the uniform of a female U.S. Navy sailor has always made me angry as heck. When he was in the Navy, he didn’t wear a woman’s uniform. It’s disgraceful to me. I know Sandeen is a vet and I respect that, but please take off the women’s uniform.

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